Sasha: Burglary.
Andrei: Locked in a psychiatric ward?
Sasha: They did it later. I didn’t quite get along with the administration, you know.
Andrei: Refused to snitch?
Sasha: Yes. So they certified me, and put in a ward, with a gorilla for a male-nurse. He was serving his time there for rape and murder. Honest thieves wouldn’t take this job, you know. So as soon as I got there he tried to use me for his bum-boy. I wasn’t a match for him physically, so I knifed him twice in the throat. The bastard survived by a sheer miracle, and I got me another eight years, this time for attempted murder.
Andrei: How old are you?
Sasha: 27.
Andrei: So am I.
Sasha: 27 and half of my life behind the bars. Do you know how it all started? When I was a kid, I stole a loaf of white bread – a fucking loaf of bread – they feed it to pigs here.
Andrei: Oh, now I see why the nurse here was searching the boys leaving the mess-hall. They are rationing bread. I guess Victor, our philosopher, is right: this regime cares more for pigs than for men; besides, the more convicts they have, the cheaper the labor force.
Sasha: Yes, though sometimes he talks such nonsense!
Voronin approaches the counter with his bowl, shouting: I want more porridge!
Bachkov: What you want is an extra shot of aminazine and a kick in the ass! Lay off, you, glutton.
Voronin (sounding threatening): If you kick me in the ass I won’t even know it. If I kick you in the ass, no one would be able to tell your shit from this porridge.
General laughter.
I’m a tiger, I’m a tiger, living in snow-capped mountains… Just mark my words, you, ha-ha-ha (low rasping sound).
(Then extremely sweet, addressing Andrei): Excuse me, could I have a piece of your bread, please?
Andrei: Sure, help yourself.
Voronin: Thank you, buddy. Know the story about a soldier and general? An orderly brings in a newly washed and pressed tunic to his general and asks him «How come you, comrade general, were so careless yesterday evening?»
Sasha: Get lost, you, bastard, or I’ll cram my spoon into your stupid mouth!
Voronin laughs and walks away, singing: «Among untrodden mountain paths there’s one that’s mine…»
Sasha: God, that pesky loony can really drive me mad.
Andrei: Well, I wouldn’t be so positive about his diagnosis. I passed the forensic psychiatry examination during my first term and saw enough nutty guys who, after they were certified, did the coolest things to make a break.