«We won’t enter here,» говорит А. безвыразительно.
«What are you doing?!»
«You don’t have your ID,» говорит А., не меняясь в лице. «We’ll go to the back entrance.»
Меня не удивляет, что А. с лёгкостью взламывает замок. Долгожданная темнота не приносит ни тишины, ни покоя. Мои лёгкие нафаршированы горящим торфом.
«You – stole – my ID.»
А. не двигается.
«How – dare – you.»
А. закрывает дверь и жестом призывает меня идти дальше. Я закрываю глаза на несколько секунд и иду.
«You can judge me, you can call the police or come and defend your government with a gun,» торжественно объявляет А. «You can kill me with a pencil that you use every day, or you can just say me goodbye, but it won’t change a thing. I am not a scientist; I am one of the natives whom you call „terrorists“ and „scums“, and I am perhaps just what you describe. I didn’t lie, though, when I told you about the poetry and the language. I do love my lost country and everything it produced, and I cherish every sound of German, as much as I hate every single tune of the common language. It’s so awkward that I can only say it to you this way, but otherwise, you won’t understand me. You probably will not by all means, but at least I can try.»
А. нужно перевести дух. Я наливаю стакан воды и ставлю на стол.
«It was kind of you.»
А. берёт сигарету.
«You will burn the books.»
«I won’t.»
«I could see from the very first moment you were different. I saw your picture and I thought I could manage and ask for your assistance, but we had too little time. They prepared me, and I had every opportunity available: money, transport, identities, but we had to be careful. My mission was to use you and get the plan of the parade, and I knew you and other specialists had it in your cabinets. The library workers and other clerks always have such stuff. I was to steal your ID, enter the library – it was yesterday, I had to leave you although I didn’t want to – and I got the plan. I’m not a big wig, really. My comrades got the job done. What a wonderful spectacular!..»
Так оно и бывает.
«You were supposed to fight by our side. I should have recruited you, can you imagine?»
«I wanted you to stay with me in Moscow.»
«I won’t. I won’t.»
«I just wanted…»
«Come with me. Join us. We hide at one of the pubs not far from here. They will welcome you, they will listen to me and believe you.»