So, I decided to stay in this world, to come back to active social life and people, simultaneously saving myself – as I was by that moment. However, staying among people was difficult and even painful. There was no love in society, everybody used each other. I still couldn’t understand the meaning of some actions people did, and they, consequently, didn’t understand me, didn’t share my values.
Moreover, I started noticing how fast my mind was getting littered. As soon as I spoke with a person filled with anxiety, anger, or annoyance, their inner chaos seemed to become a part of me…
Anyways, the decision was taken, and I needed to learn to live a new way. What’s more, I was well-prepared for that – the practices proved beneficial. As everyone else brushes their teeth in the morning, I was cleansing my mind and body on daily basis. I increased the number and length of practices, meditated a lot, became more careful about food. Once in December I lived through ten days’ fast on water, and next 10 days I only consumed some natural juices. Gradually, my relationships with others started changing. I found some like-minded people, who shared my values and lived the same way as me.
Those, the closest ones, still couldn’t understand me or my lifestyle. Me and my wife continued moving apart. Even though we lived together physically, mentally we were becoming aliens, strangers. Once I got a feeling that whatever I do, there’s no way to avoid divorce. We were too different now. She wasn’t interested in what I was living by, and I didn’t understand her wishes, choices and values.
That’s how I got into one of the main traps of my life: I saw my spiritual Ego, which wanted to change everyone. Yes, I managed to change my mind and my life afterwards. But it occurred that was not enough – I wanted to change the minds and lives of others, too! I wanted everyone to choose and love the same things I did. I wanted them to think like me, live like me, because that was right, wasn’t it?
THAT MOMENT I UNDERSTOOD HOW HUGE WAS THE GAP BETWEEN ME AND TRUE LOVE. HOW FAR I WAS FROM EVERYTHING I WAS HEADING TO FOR ALL THOSE YEARS. LOVE IS NOT EAGERNESS TO CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE HIM MORE CONVENIENT FOR YOU. LOVE IS ACCEPTING ANOTHER PERSON AS THEY ARE.