She smiled with pale lips, ran her tongue over them. Dry. How thirsty she is … Last days thirst, constant thirst burns her from the inside. Son said that she cannot drink much. He is a doctor and his words should be listened to. She tried. But … Today she felt that it already possible. Possible to drink plenty. A hand reached for the button, stopped for a moment – and lay back on a light blanket. Not. She doesn't want to call anyone, doesn't want to see anyone. Not now. She herself. Herself. Son ordered the decanter with water to be removed from the bedside table and allowed to drink according to a personal schedule. Doctor. A bitter smile twisted her lips – it would be better if he was just a son now. He is shackled by the chains of his profession, of filial duty, not realizing that this simply suffocates her, does not allow her … Does not allow her to finally free herself. Today … Well, she was always diligent and punctual. Perhaps that's enough. She lifted herself with an effort in the dim light of the room, squinting at the closed door. She turned her eyes to the medical equipment console lonely standing in the corner – a device for drip infusion, a heart monitor with a telemetry attachment, an apparatus for measuring pressure, an oxymeter. Is that really important how much oxygen is in her blood now? Something else gleaming with metal, plastic, glass. Buttons, screens, tubes, wires. All this is dead, disabled. Three days ago she demanded it. Son refused at first. He argued, insisted, convinced. Chided. Not. Oh, how well he knows her ''no''… Everyone knows. For fifty years she learned to pronounce it well. And those to whom it addressed, even better remembers – it's useless to argue. It will be as she wants. And what she does not want – will not to be. So the multicolored rainbow of lights in the room went out, the hum of the oxygen apparatus fell silent. All this she no longer needs. And there was a silence in which she heard the world outside the window, which she ordered to open wide. The world came to her – a gust of wind, singing birds in dense crowns, the smell of lilac and jasmine. The world called her and she whispered – soon…
The bed is closed with a special rising wall after she tried to get up and could not hold onto her weak legs. The hip pierced pain when she sat down, leaning on the tubular barrier. How dizzy she is, her fingers tightened on the cold smooth metal with all their might. Hold on! A thought flashed for a moment – why? Why try to get up? What for? She can lie back on a soft pillow, press a button. A nurse will come and help. She will persuade her to bring water, a lot of cool water … And they will not say anything to her son, it will be their secret. In response, the fingers clenched even more. Not! Not today, not now. Just not now. She looked at the door again, didn’t it open … Everything is quiet. So, now she can gently press here, at the head. A small smooth ledge, she found it herself a few days ago. A small click – and the wall smoothly went down, gliding silently in the slots. Now, she must lower her legs, find the floor with them … How dizzy, the thin ringing growing in the ears, has darkened in her eyes. Or not… May be the evening shade just gathering in the corners of the room… A mattress slightly bent under her palms. She shuddered feeling the soft roundness of air chambers under a thin sheet. Her hands jerked away and got on the knees themselves. She gritted her teeth in an effort to keep straight, not to stagger, not to fall. She does not want to touch this. Air mattress against bedsores, another manifestation of filial care, the latest model. Against the bedsores … She must get up. A gust of cool wind from an open window touched her face, she inhaled it with a full chest, as was it once… Many, many years ago, when she first crossed the threshold of this ancient house. Dry, cracked lips smiled, she remembered her childhood delight on that first day. She like a girl ran around all the rooms, opening the doors one by one, filling everything with a cheerful laugh. The husband followed her without saying anything and there was happiness on his face.