CONSULTANT: The only people who say that don’t know how to cook a tasty meal.
DIRECTOR: I’m used setting the tone, and that’s not something I’m about to give up now. The spectators are supposed to leave my shows in a daze. That’s real art. And that’s why I’m the world’s best director for large-scale public events.
CONSULTANT: Are you sure everyone shares your opinion?
DIRECTOR: I don’t care what others think of me. What’s important is what I think of myself.
CONSULTANT: I don’t want to offend you, but I know a better professional than you in the field.
DIRECTOR: (stung) That can’t be. Who is he?
CONSULTANT: Never mind.
DIRECTOR: No, tell me his name! I know all the professionals in the field.
CONSULTANT: Not now. Time’s too short to be discussing ratings. The funeral’s almost here. We have to work.
DIRECTOR: You’re way out of line. What next? Hustling me along, telling me how to stage my shows? By the way, who are we burying?
A pause. A phone rings.
What the hell – whose phone’s ringing again? I told everyone to turn them off!
CONSULTANT: It’s your phone.
DIRECTOR: Yes? (takes out his phone) So it is.
CONSULTANT: (with a slight grin) By the way, why didn’t you turn yours off?
DIRECTOR: Because most of what I’m doing isn’t being done here, but all over the city. Hundreds of people are on it, as I’ve already told you. And besides, I am me. (into the phone) Hello!.. I’ve told you before: the full-dress rehearsal is at two a.m. Everybody must be on the main square by then. Make arrangements to get them there and take them away again. You have thirty buses for that… Don’t forget the microphones and the flowers… And what about the horses?.. (exits, still talking)
MAN: A swaggering, smug, tom turkey. Rude and impertinent. Imagines the sun rises and sets on him.
WOMAN: But he knows what he’s doing.
MAN: That doesn’t excuse his bad manners and doesn’t exempt him from being civil.
CONSULTANT: He’s on edge. He is responsible for everything, after all.
MAN: I won’t work with him. He has to be replaced.
CONSULTANT: It’s an old story: the actors want a different director, the director wants different actors… This conversation’s over.
MAN: Why? Why do we need this dictator? Are there no other directors?
CONSULTANT: Do you think other directors are better? They’re all dictators… Not that they’re the only ones… Besides, it’s too late to be talking about replacements and changes. The ceremony will be happening in a matter of hours. Better try to follow his instructions. Then you won’t butt heads as much.