Tell me, will I be speaking from a podium tomorrow or just standing?
DIRECTOR: There’s no podium near the coffin. So there’ll be nowhere to hide your cheat sheet.
MAN: Then I’ll have to learn my speech by heart?
DIRECTOR: You haven’t learned it yet?
MAN: I’m more used to reading from a script, you see. People of our standing aren’t allowed to improvise.
DIRECTOR: You’ll have to do it without your cheat sheet this one time.
MAN: I could get confused.
DIRECTOR: So long as you don’t get very confused, that’s no big deal. It’s even better, in fact. You’re sort of agitated, depressed by what’s just happened, the words aren’t coming easy.
MAN: I get it. (searches through the sheets of paper for his place and gets ready to start)
DIRECTOR: Don’t forget to look mournful.
MAN: (assuming a mournful look) Dear friend!
DIRECTOR: (exploding) Again with the “dear friend”? Are you jerking me around?
MAN: Sorry, that was a reflex. I’m a little flustered.
DIRECTOR: Very well. Start again.
MAN adopts a mournful pose and opens his mouth, but just then CONSULTANT’s phone rings.
CONSULTANT: Hello! Yes. Good. Is everything ready? When? In about an hour? Check again, Colonel. To make sure it all goes off without a hitch.
DIRECTOR: (fiercely) I thought I ordered everyone to turn off their phones. Why didn’t you do as I said?
CONSULTANT: I’m not authorized to turn off my phone. Especially on a day like this.
DIRECTOR: And I don’t care what you’re authorized to do. Here, the only important thing is the rehearsal. (pounds his fist on the table and glares at everyone) If anyone else’s phone rings, I… (to MAN) Continue.
MAN: (instead of starting his speech, starts rummaging through his pockets) Sorry…
DIRECTOR: (through clenched teeth) What now?
MAN: I can’t find my glasses.
DIRECTOR: To hell with your glasses! Tomorrow you’ll have no glasses and no script either. Speak, say something! Imagine yourself on a platform in the middle of a spacious square. An open coffin stands before you, the orchestra has fallen silent, the guard is motionless, dozens of television cameras are pointed at you, the whole country is watching you, waiting to hear what you’re going to say. Will you be rummaging around in your pockets then?
MAN: But I haven’t learned the speech yet.
DIRECTOR: I know you haven’t learned it. But for now don’t think about