Chapter 1. "Our ATTENTION is our reality»
For as long as I can remember, my greatest desire was to find the answer to the question: "How to materialize the desired"?
I came to the answer to this question myself, I will not hide the fact that many diverse literature was read, but I did not find a satisfactory answer anywhere.
Still, I felt incomplete. I didn't have the comforting sense of knowing who I was, I didn't find an experience of myself that was permanent, I couldn't point to an unchanging self. I was still different selves that kept changing as I went into different emotional States. Sometimes I liked myself, sometimes I didn't. One day I was satisfied with my life and the next I was impatient.
After a while I began to discover who and what I am not: I am not my mind… I am not my thoughts… I am not my emotions… I am not anything knowable. I am a witness to all these things that come and go, but which are not me. Later, I learned that this approach of discovering who you are by first experiencing who you are not is an independent path.
I could enter into a peaceful state, into emptiness, but the result lasted, if I was lucky, only a few hours. Then my mind would come back and I would start to feel uncomfortable, irritable, angry, or whatever, I would watch the same thing again. I realized, of course, that all teachings miss an important aspect of the observer or witness: the observer not only observes and is aware of what passes through the mind and body, he is also the source of it and the Creator.
Simply put, the witness or observer of the mind (thoughts, feelings, emotions, and associations) not only observes thoughts or emotions, but somehow instantly creates what he observes.
I FULLY REALIZED THAT WE ARE ALL PEOPLE-THE CREATORS OF THEIR LIVES!
Simply put, for an observer to be able to observe something, he must create the observed.
This is what I was able to relive the experience, and not just to think about it.
My next leap in understanding came when I experienced that the observer and what he creates (my thoughts, feelings, sensations, beliefs, etc.) are one and the same. Before that, I perceived that they were different and gave them different names or labels. For example, in my body moved some sensations. I called these feelings "fear" and decided that it (fear) is not good and undesirable for me. And as a result, I began to resist this energy, which "I" called fear. What I realized was that it was the "I" who called this energy fear and the" I " decided that it was undesirable. When I stopped deciding I didn't want fear, took off the label and treated it as just energy, the problem disappeared. At its core, fear was energy – and I had no reason to resist it.