“You know, maybe we're – we're only good at brief encounters, walking around in European cities in warm climate.” – Before Midnight
Nine inch blossoms in water cascade behind Vanda’s door. Afraid to open, keen to try. Yet both feelings mirror each other, preventing any moves. She knows there is no-one to be found, but it is never about knowing. Someone should make the first step, but leaving footprints was never an easy task. She takes comfort in non-existence, at least in social terms. “We’re all just a fading breath on the glass, so why bother to leave traces?”
Something still lurking outside, creeping at the backseat of mind. It wants to make music louder, but no-one should let it take the driving wheel. Nor this time nor ever. Even if it is okay to let go, everything may be okay, yet you should draw lines somewhere. You should mobilize, be something concrete. At least for the moment of second thoughts. Always pick the first one and never look back. Maybe just a peek. Whatever, it is done. Let’s move on.
Vanda leaves the outskirts of previously familiar ways of thinking to open any door on her physical way. At least she thinks it’s physical, but every piece of thing can be just a trick of the mind, a new coin to flip. Whatever.
Bed surely hisses with predicament towards anything that moves outside the door, weaving a new plot around Vanda’s face. Surely a person can overcome anything, it’s just a matter of determination. “But why are we so determined to see life as an obstacle?” Questions like these always drifted her away from going outside. It seemed like a duty – to give each thought its respectable time of attention. Annihilation of one’s self to let a thought be the vanguard behind one's face. Even if for a split second.
Derogatory. Punishment. Disorder. So clumsy to call such interesting deities with such foolish names. Naming – tagging someone, as a livestock! – was always a perverted way of seeing the world. The World. W-O-R-L-D. Funny stuff. Like “worm”.
Apartment windows always saw Vanda as delusional, but she never showed her confusion in front of them. Not because she wanted to look better, but for the tiny hope that if she imitated bravery long enough, she would become brave naturally. All people’s games are totally natural and unavoidable, leading to nowhere. That's the point, this is the only destination we all have. Well, at least you – I’m nothing to do with this.
