Synopsis
A unusual show goes into a mystifying, bizarrely amusing night rehearsal that ends with a twist. 2 men and 2 women. Interior.
CHARACTERS
DIRECTOR
CONSULTANT
MAN
WOMAN
The age of the characters is not critical. The men can be 40 to 60 years old; the women, 30 to 40.
An ordinary, unremarkable room. The actors are offstage as the play begins. After some time, a middle-aged man, the DIRECTOR, enters. He is accompanied by a beautiful, impeccably dressed woman, the CONSULTANT.
CONSULTANT: Here we are. After you.
DIRECTOR: Is this where we’re going to rehearse?
CONSULTANT: Yes. Do you have a problem with anything?
DIRECTOR: No. Why do you ask? What is this room?
CONSULTANT: A kind of recording studio. It’s nicely sound-proofed. If you close the door, no noises can get in or out. This is just what you need for your rehearsals. No one will bother you here. Do you like it?
DIRECTOR: (casually) It’s quite cozy. I don’t care, though. I can work in any conditions, even in a storm on the deck of a ship. But where are the so-called artistes? The rehearsal’s scheduled for ten p.m. sharp, and it’s already three minutes past.
CONSULTANT: They’ll be here soon.
DIRECTOR: (not pleased) What does that mean, “soon”? They should be here and ready at ten p.m. on the dot. My work doesn’t accommodate any deviations from the schedule. I’ll still have to pull an all-nighter after this rehearsal. And I have to have everything done by tomorrow at three p.m., come hell or high water. This isn’t some first-night premiere that can be postponed until whenever.
CONSULTANT: Take it easy, sit down. Would you like some coffee?
DIRECTOR: I’m not here for coffee, dearie, but to do my work. And who are you, by the way?
CONSULTANT: I’m a consultant.
DIRECTOR: I don’t need any consultants, sweet cheeks.
CONSULTANT: I’m not your consultant.
DIRECTOR: Then whose are you?
CONSULTANT: Not yours. I was sent to help you with the rehearsal.
DIRECTOR: Help me? I don’t need any assistants either. Do you know who I am?
CONSULTANT: You’re a renowned director. Everybody knows that. But surely you’re not going to pour your own coffee or find the right script pages? That’s why I’m here.
DIRECTOR: Well, if that’s why… I can’t stand having outsiders at my rehearsals.
CONSULTANT: Don’t worry. I’m only going to be your aide… or your associate director… I don’t know what the job’s called in the theater.