– You are right, Muhit. Yes, sometimes life gives us challenges, it happens. I believe each of your words. But I have nothing to say back. And I don’t think that you’ve lost your mind. You are adequate, indeed. But because you see and know that Life crushes everything around and takes your closest people away from you. Of course, if only all of those hardships would avoid us… Muhit, don’t blame anyone. Everything has a God willing. Time will heal and put everything in the right place. Be strong. Accept what happened as a fact and let his soul go to heaven. You are doing no good for him by not letting him go because of your bad pain. Do it for him, Muhit… A true power of a person is not found in impulses and emotions. I feel it’s found in calmness and awareness of what happened… I’m not sure if it’s appropriate but I want to say that every person needs a goal. Please, listen up, Muhit. If it’s right or not, that’s not what I’m talking about. The goal changes the person. The scale of the goal changes the scale of the person. In each challenging life circumstances the person survives because of their goal. Such people are different. And this goal keeps a person together so that they would strive for something, Muhit. Now I don’t see it, this basis of yours, my friend, Muhit. Haven’t we gone through many things? We have seen the good and the evil. We gave people hope to live and enjoyed when we managed to change somebody’s life for the good. Wasn’t it our dream when we entered medical school and decided to be doctors? So pull yourself together, my friend,– Pavel looked at him sadly. Muhit had tears running down on his cheeks and didn’t even attempt to stop them. They were sliding down and disappeared in his gray beard. As if they disappeared in the sand…
– Pasha, you know me. If only I could get it all back. Could I ask my fate about this? I blame myself for his death, my friend. It is so. I can’t see my reflection in the mirror. I’m sick of myself, my friend. Answer me, Pasha, how can I live on? How can I ignore the fact that I’m that very Muhit? I can’t do so, Pasha, and you know it. I would want to be lying in the wet ground instead of him. Because he had to live for many years,– he said in a shaken voice.
– Muhit, that’s not the way I imagined our conversation. And I really expected that we might have had a calm, close talk… Perhaps I came at the wrong time. I hit home with my visit… I’d better go. You are the only one who has answers for all of your questions. Whoever you’ve been, I’ll always be your friend. Remember that. And I will not stay aside in case you need me. I will visit you again in a couple of days and maybe then we’ll manage to talk. We’ll talk seriously and not emotionally. Is it a deal, Muhit?,– he said and stood up from his chair and walked in the direction of the door. Just for a moment he noticed some kind of a smile on his face while he was looking at his son’s photo but it disappeared right away.