A person who feels the excessive pressure of reality will feel defenseless and therefore anxious and will look for protection externally. However, any source of that protection will be felt as pressuring. Thus, for someone seeking a protector, the situation will probably be worsened by the fact that, in addition to the pressure of the outside world transforming into anxiety, the pressure of the protector will appear. A paradox arises, in which the defense only increases the pressure, and thus anxiety. A vicious circle is formed: anxiety → search for a protector → increased pressure → increased anxiety. The protector will seem to be an authoritarian, freedom-restricting, rejection-inducing mentor. Therefore, if a person seems controlling, we need to examine whether we depend on them totally, strongly, or at least in some way. If we do, then perhaps it seems to us that they only press us. If we do not, then apparently this person is like that, and it is worth limiting communication with them. The only effective way to reduce anxiety and external dependence is to seek protection and support within ourselves.
An accumulation of anxiety leads to an anxiety affect that I have named the Catastrophizer. I will discuss the Catastrophizer in detail in the chapter about illusions because it is entirely deceptive. For now, I will only say that the Catastrophizer is the most severe form of anxiety and, accordingly, auto-aggression, with the longest trail. In this state, it is impossible to think productively; the flow of dragging dialogues cannot be stopped. There is a feeling of stupor, as the Catastrophizer cuts off access to reality, forcing you to sink deeper into illusions, watch TV series, and flip through news feeds to distract yourself from fear.
Ouroboros, our purveyor of illusions, has many faces, and it is not easy to defeat him. The battle is not for life, but for death, and it is necessary to keep track of all the various tricks by which he can instantly turn from a cute lizard into an all-devouring dragon. Anxiety is another such trick because it increases the “stream of consciousness,” which indicates the intensification of illusions. And where illusion is activated, auto-aggression is invariably activated.
In auto-aggression, there is no exit to reality – it is an enclosed space where the personality beats itself up. If one traces the moment of appearance of this inner “aggressor” in consciousness – the moment when reality does not correspond to illusion – then there is a chance to stop, by an effort of will, the mental dialogue that has begun. If this is not done, then the sense of reality will be lost, and one will have to go through the whole cycle of ouroboric affect.