As I practiced awareness, I developed the ability to stop undesirable psychological manifestations at their inception, without significant effort, and in most cases, automatically. This brought a stable psychological comfort into my life that I had never experienced before. If I could decipher the messages of my body through vague sensations and the messages of my subconscious through dreams, then it is definitely possible for anyone facing similar difficulties to do the same.
When I first began to contemplate the quirkiness of masking my own auto-aggression, a friend told me about her five-year-old autistic daughter. When she was very young, she would hit an adult with a scream when she demanded something but didn't get it. After being told that this behavior was unacceptable, she started hitting herself on the head in such situations. I was surprised to learn that auto-aggression is inherent in children, suggesting that people might be born with this peculiarity.
This led me to consider a metaphysical explanation for the phenomenon. A dream I had about a lizard turning into an attacking dragon, combined with the biblical myth of the Serpent, inspired my theory of Ouroboros.[1]
I present to the reader a journey into the world of my personal psychoanalysis, where the building blocks of this theory were gradually assembled. Initially, the concepts were not clearly formulated, but as I delved deeper into psychological patterns, they gained a clearer structure. I would compare my work to assembling a jigsaw puzzle with a thousand small pieces: as more disparate fragments find their place; the overall picture becomes more complete and clearer.
Professional psychologists might say that I have reinvented the wheel, but any coincidences are purely accidental. During the five months of self-analysis of my behavioral reactions, from June to October 2024, I did not listen to lectures on psychology, read books on psychology, or communicate with psychologists and psychoanalysts. My personal vision of the infantile personality is based solely on my own experience, interpreted not only from a practical but also from a philosophical point of view.
When I investigated my own auto-aggression, I found that it was not overt but masked by a sense of longing, which arose from thoughts about life's failures and the disparity between what I had and what I was aspiring to. These thoughts occurred when my mind was not occupied with pressing tasks, such as during free hours or at night. Upon realizing this and understanding that it could be addressed by stopping negative thoughts, I became very enthusiastic. I decided that by overcoming auto-aggression, I could pave the way to longevity.