– I am ready for it. I realise it's the only way we can feed ourselves.
– That's not what I'm saying: you're still too inexperienced, but you'll learn everything in due time.
I sighed heavily: «in due time!»
I had thousands of arguments and beliefs running through my head, but I couldn't put them into words, as if I didn't have enough vocabulary, even though I loved to read.
– Well, I'm willing to accept that. But I don't understand why you won't let me go to Oxford. – I persisted.
Mum stopped smiling and her face became very serious.
– Because I'm afraid for you» she replied.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
– You're afraid of something I'm not? – There was no limit to my surprise.
– Exactly.
– But it's wrong: if you don't let me go, I'll never be independent. You let Mariszka go to the Sorbonne when she was nineteen.
– Mariszka is a different story. Her youth was in a different era, more peaceful, and yours is in the midst of a million temptations.
– Then you think I am worse than Maria and Mariszka? – I exclaimed unhappily.
– No, not at all! – Mum sighed and took my hands in hers. – I'm afraid you won't be able to understand, but I'll try to explain. We live in a difficult, turbulent and frightening time: temptation and exposure are at every turn. And I want to protect you from them. I don't know how else I can raise you to be a true vampire in this time. You're not strong enough to resist what's around you-you don't have the core that we have, and I want you to stay away from mortals because you're not immune to them yet, and it's hard and painful to get that immunity, and I'm afraid…» Mom stopped talking.
I looked at her expectantly, silently demanding that she finish her sentence.
– You'll understand me. Someday you will» Mum said without finishing her thought.
Her words moved me: despite my outward indifference, I was extremely sensitive.
– But, mum, hear me! You can trust me, because I trust in myself! I can stand up to them, I can! I feel it with all my heart and with all my soul! – I exclaimed desperately, squeezing her palm.
– Misha…
– All right! If you are afraid to let me go alone, put someone to me, like you did with my brother Markus in Bohemia! I'll do it! Just let me go to Oxford, Mum! I want to live and learn to be a real vampire!